You Can Have Disney: I Found A Better Florida Attraction!

I’m driving down to Fort Lauderdale (15 minutes away, big deal) to visit the Swap Shop!

In my humble opinion, Mickey and Co. (up in Orlando) have nothing on the rows and rows of tables filled with other people’s trash (which might become my treasures). You see, the Swap Shop not only features the largest drive-in movie theater in America, but it also offers the largest daily flea market in the world — with over 2000 vendors selling brand-name items at unheard of prices. Do your kids get bored quickly? Well, this place has their cure: there are amusement rides, giant video arcade and much, much more.

If you don’t live around these parts (I’m jealous of you, because it’s so hot down here in the summer) but you love to save money, I suggest you search for your own little slice of flea market heaven (I’ve been to a bunch all over this great nation of ours). When you do discover a great one that’s close by, tell ‘em Pete sent you (like they’ll know me, but who knows) and use my following advice to keep them from taking all that you got:

Dress down. If you absolutely can’t stand the feel of flannel or old faded blue jeans, I can guarantee you’re going to get suckered out of a lot of money. Put on an old sweatshirt and some comfortable (read: cheap) shoes and try to fit in. Also: wear a ball cap, so the sun doesn’t rob you of energy, ruin your concentration or give you sunburn (tip: don’t wear a Harvard University one).

Take small bills. The people you’re going to deal with have probably never even seen a Franklin (if so, I bet rarely). Keep the big bills at home, and stuff your pockets with ones, fives, and twenties. Also: expect to pay cash, as no one’s going to have a credit card machine or trust your fancy ass with a check.

Arrive early. If everyone’s leaving with lamps and picture frames, guess what? That’s right: you got there too late. Once these staples of the flea market are being carted out, you better believe that the scavengers have picked this place clean. Bad for you, unless you want to pay $50 for a grade 8 (or below) Barry Bonds Rookie Card (which is worth about nothing right now)!

Get ready to haggle. See that guy over there (with the flannel shirt)? Yea, he loves to haggle. Now see that woman over there (with the comfortable shoes on)? Her too! From your first deal to your last, take it from me — haggle like there’s no tomorrow! Forget the personal stories these hucksters attach to their stuff — haggle them on the price and keep the tradition alive. You’ll save a lot (I really mean a LOT!).

Learn the booth trick. Avoid the fully arranged booth (a few things set on a blanket will always cost less). The simple rule of thumb is this: the more packed the table is, the more you’ll end up paying — so shop carefully. Also, keep this in mind: a lot of booths are just extensions of retail outlet stores. In this case, you might as well just buy the stuff at the store (as it will always be fresher anyway).

Borrow a pick-up. The flea-market’s law of the land is usually cash-and-carry (most vendors don’t deliver). Consider borrowing a family member’s truck or van if you don’t have one, and need to bring a bed or something home. Some vendors will let you pay in full and pick up the item later, but when cash is involved, is this such a great idea (I say “NO”, enthusiastically!)?

Flea markets are a super fun place to be (in my mind, not my fiancée’s). Just keep this in the front of you mental lobe: people will always respond better to a smiling face and a friendly comment than to a blank expression or blunt response. My advice: if you have no personality you’d better buy one. This isn’t a retail setting, and these people don’t have to put up with any of the crap you might want to dish out (tip: wait until you get to the Bed, Bath and Beyond to give those snobs your bad attitude)!

Well, I found a ton of “bargains” today (as long as I get my fiancée’s approval to keep them when I get them home, LOL). Oh yea, before I forget: Happy Hunting (bargain, not deer)!