You’re Sending Your Aging Parent Where?!

When I first got down to Florida (three years ago), I got a job at as an Administrator for an Assisted Living Facility (ALF) in Lantana, FL. This place looked like a really nice place to take your parent to when you can no longer look after them, and/or they can’t do it by themselves. Man, was I wrong — this place was an evil dump!

You know what I had to deal with for those few months? No? Well, let me tell you what then: 1) the two money-hungry owners (or scoundrels for short) who were only worried about their next round of monthly checks, 2) the untrained staff, who were always on the verge of killing someone (and were stealing from the residents on the daily), 3) The “fancy” British “Chef” (this guy was a real joke) who always had a problem feeding the residents the right way (he also had a problem with authority and making friends), and the sixty or so elderly residents who were totally getting the short end of the stick!

This place should have been closed down after I told everything I know to the proper authorities, but yet it still exists to this day! Are you thinking of dropping one of your parents (who tried to raise you right) off at one of these places? Well, you better select the right one — and if they’re already there, the following will help you know if you picked a winner:

Come in unannounced. Don’t call beforehand (this will give them a chance to clean your old man, or mamma, up) and when you get there walk right to your parent’s room (skip heading into the Administrator’s office, they’ll just slow you down, and warn everyone). Walk around with your parental unit and take it all in (if it looks [or smells] bad now, imagine what happens after visiting hours).

The best time to show up is at meal time. This way you can find out what these creeps are feeding everyone. If it’s anything like the place I worked at, they will have a budget of about $3 or less a day for each resident’s meals (despite the thousands that you are forking over to keep them healthy). Grab a plate, sample the food, and observe the quality of the service (note: the servers are making just over minimum wage, so you can imagine what motivation they have).

Talk to the residents. Forget the bubbly, canned speeches that you will get from the owner or administrators, and get down and dirty with the people who are in the same boat as your parents. You might even hear a little more than you want (some of these old people are freaking hilarious) but at least you’ll have a “fly on the wall” to help you spy on things.

Find out what type of training the staff receives (and how frequently they have to update it). Most of these so-called nurse’s aides that worked at my place had no real training other than being taught on-the-job by their friends who brought them in (your parents were guinea pigs, essentially). You have a legal right to find out who these people are, and what their lack of training could possibly do to your aging parent.

The person to talk to is your state’s long-term care ombudsman. This person can tell you if this place has any complaints against them (note: a lot of them do). Not only do they have all this information readily at hand, but in most states they are the ones who are checking in on the conditions at these ALFs. Let them do the dirty work for you!

While I was at this hell hole I saw way more than I wanted to, and eventually we (those scumbags and I) had to part ways. To make sure your mom or dad is safe: show up frequently, get to know the staff, and check the medicine charts to see if the nurse’s aides have been giving them their meds on time (note: sometimes they forget to, but sign off on it later anyway [this is very common and disturbing]).

If you’re like most of my resident’s children, you’ll only be visiting about twice a year (while they sadly wait by their window for you to come back). I kind of understand if you can’t feasibly afford to keep your parent in a spare room at home, but at least show them enough respect to pop in on them from time to time. You might just be saving their life!