You’re Invited To My Recession Party: The Top 10 Items To Bring

If you haven’t heard yet, we’re smack dab in the middle of a recession (smell the sarcasm?)!

It’s blaring all over the airwaves, and a bunch of people are making a lot of money off of scaring the living daylights out of you! First you have the media, who’s doing what they always do: turning mountains out of molehills! Then you have the financial system, whose making their money on both the highs and lows of this predicament. Then there’s the late stragglers: the scam artists and the regular folks with greedy dollars signs in their eyes, who got in late and which, coincidentally are unwittingly marking a beginning to the end of this downward cycle (good news for the rest of us: these late people always lose their shirts — always!).

For my part, I’m inviting everyone over, free of charge, to help celebrate the fact that Americans can endure anything, once they call out “Bulls$#t” to all those who Bulls$#t us! Before you enter though, why not pick up some of the following deals along the way?

Two-for one specials – The best food (or anything for that matter) has a FREE brother or sister attached to it.

Cheapest gas around – There’s always that one gas station in town that doesn’t fold under the Big Oil pressure to raise their prices. Find it and cherish it!

Clearance sections – Every store has them, and if you don’t know where they are, then find out. Why? Because you’ll save a lot, that’s why (who let this guy in?)!

Potlucks – Skip the pricey restaurants, and invite some friends, who like to cook, over for dinner (just make sure they all bring something worth eating [bags of chips = not so good. Homemade recipes = very good]).

Live the High Life – This beer (from the Miller Brewery) is dirt cheap, but it taste so good when it touches your lips that you won’t even notice!

Yard sale shopping – People get rid of the darndest (read: sweetest) things sometimes (side note: one man’s trash is another man’s treasure).

Cheap conversation – Talk is cheap. Really! Instead of blowing cash in these tough times, why not entertain yourself with a friendly chat with neighbors (like we used to do, back in the day)!

Bicycle to work – If you live close enough, why not get your exercise in before 9, and after 5! Bonus: you can tell those gym rats, “Peace out”!

Stop spoiling the brats – Kids want too much these days. My advice: turn back the clock and stop buying them crap [when they cry, let them. They’ll stop eventually).

Tap water – Bottled water is just crappy tap water (Google it) that cost over a buck for a 12 ounce land-filler! Start drinking from the faucet [your health and wallet with thank you later]).

Penny Poker – Why “go big or go home”? Seriously, you can play like a million games of this cheaper version of gambling for $5.00 (and have loads of fun while you’re doing it)!

I hope you learned something here today (LOL). Actually, I just made this list up to show you how ridiculous making lists that you want everyone to follow really is. People, you know what to do during a recession … you don’t need me or anyone else telling you what we think is right for you! This down period in our economy is really a good thing if you think about it (it’s making the cost of living fair again for the middle class, which is the majority of us [hey rich guys: bud out! This is an A and B, so C …) and what you can do for yourself during this time is to not get caught up into all the hype surrounding it. Now go out and live your life (the way YOU think you should be living it)!

Hey news networks: we’re slowly beginning to see through your smoking mirrors collectively, and once we do, WHOO you better watch out, cause there’s going to be hell to pay (that goes double for you FOX News)!