Wait … Are We Talking About People Or Knives?

Are they cutting jobs over at your place?

Getting nervous? Well, stop all of your worrying … because that’s not going to change anything (in fact, you’d be throwing all that negative energy into the collective unconscious, and that’s not going to help your cause one bit [I’m serious about this — stop!]). My advice: just don’t be the weakest in the herd, and you should be better than alright (note: better than alright = raises, promotions, expensive deep sea fishing trips with the CEO and all of his buddies, etc.).

My definition of weakest in the herd might be different than say, Darwin’s or that psychotic English guy’s from Man vs.Wild, but it’s one that you might agree with: I truly believe that if you are only good for one specific task during your whole 8-hour shift, than you are not as strong as someone who is multi-talented enough to be the “accomplisher” in your department, and should therefore be easy pickings for that nasty HR manager, who makes the rounds every once in a while to see what fat they could cut to stay in the good graces of the “king”/boss!

For those who don’t know what a multi-talented person looks like (some companies just don’t have any, it’s not your fault) the following is a brief (if somewhat general) description: 1) they are super versatile and very handy to have in your corner, 2) they uniquely combine several important functions into just one single brain with a body attached, and 3) they possess every good quality that you’ll ever need for every situation that you’ll ever encounter (they can double as a makeshift best friend, go-to guy, manager, advice giver, creative department, IT and designer to name just a few). These multi-talents come in all shapes, sizes, designs and packaging depending on what some higher power (I call him God) and their environment gave them to work with. This is the person you want to become (if not, you’ll fall by the waste side. Trust me)!

This is what makes these people so valuable to a company:

Imagine being able to slice through all red tape, pry some valuable information out of the competition, and pick out other’s hidden talents, or screw a team back together when they fall apart. Well, this is the almost natural gift these people bring to work every single day!

Multi-talents are both practical and convenient. They are very easy to get along with, and having one in your “pocket” will almost certainly guarantee you that your team will not get lost in the woods!

These people serve as self-defense against any back-stabbing office politics (so when Mark from accounting is going over those expensive “business” lunches, you better believe this multi-talented guy is going to have your back. “Yea, screw Mark,” you two will be screaming out loud later on. LOL).

This winner can single-handedly accomplish most of the work that your department is assigned, but doesn’t rat out anyone because that’s just the way this type operates (note: he’s good people).

The mind power of a multi-talent is both legendary and one of a kind. There are no other personalities that are as versatile as this godsend, and when you have one on the team your place will run like a well-oiled machine with a lifetime warranty!

A multi-talent is generally considered, by those in the know, as a future CEO of a company (if you know one: you better hang on to them and learn everything they teach you, because they’ll be your boss pretty soon) even though they might not know it yet. So if you want to do more than just keep your job in this current economic crisis (Actually, forget I said crisis … this stuff just happens in cycles, and we’re just in a down swing for a bit. It’ll get better soon enough, and I don’t like to use scare-monger tactics anyway [I voted for Gore and Kerry]) you better read up on becoming a multi-talent (and then “fake it” till you “make it”).

P.S. I have a Victorinox Hiker (see pic) in my pocket, and this is where this conversation originated. Sorry if it made no sense to you (Psst … hey, multi-talents … you know what I’m talking about right? Yea, I thought so!)