Trying To Buy Pizza On A Pothead’s Salary?

Hey weed smokers … are you getting hungry?

Want something nice and delicious to wash down that cottonmouth that you’re now trying to fight off? How about a nice pizza pie, conveniently delivered right to your door (which is pretty sweet, considering the fact that you’re in no shape to drive)? Whooo … what was that man? Is that a rabbit wearing a top hat (yea, you’re probably smoking the good stuff, aren’t you?)? Freaky … oh well back to the subject (that was cool though, I’ll give it to you): that jonesing for a pizza … with like seven, eight or nine different topping ranging from the traditional pepperoni to the non-traditional bubble gum (hey screwball, I don’t know your life)! Why don’t you pull out those wadded up bills out of your dirty cargo pants and see what we’re working with? Seven dollars, and two cents … is that all your job’s paying you? Oh, you work at a family-owned gas station? I see … you have a stoner’s job!

Well, I guess we’ll have to work with what we got … did you know that most pizzerias will replace a cold delivery pizza that is delivered late, and some (like Papa John’s) will even refund your money and give you a free pizza for making that mistake? Why not take advantage of this fact? Many pizza shop managers give pizza away, plus some other incentives like breadsticks or chicken wings to calm wily customers down. Domino’s says their pizza will be there within 30 minutes, so if your delivery pizza isn’t delivered in that time frame, then call and complain! Don’t be shy or nervous, because you certainly won’t be the first, nor the last, person to do it (it happens regularly, I heard).

Oh, you don’t want to be a d@#k about things? OK honest guy (real honest … weeds illegal, you know?), here goes some other, more chicken-s*@t ways to go about getting you that pizza for what you have in your cheap hands that smell like a skunk (trust me … I’ve been in your shoes and they work):

Compare prices. You may falsely believe that the chains offer the best prices, but some local pizzerias often offer better sales in order to compete with these mom-and-pop killers. So why not call around to see who has the best price (you’ll never know unless you call. What? You don’t have a phone … OK, this is getting ridiculous).

Look for promotions. Stop skipping past the commercials and actually pay attention for once (note: I’m over here). Many pizza chains run great promotions. If you’re going out to eat, look at the signs they have posted on the windows as well. Also, don’t forget to check out the menu for special inserts. You’re in no condition to drive, so do this one later!

Hang on to coupons. The chains always place coupons on their take-out boxes. Hang on to these coupons for the next time you place an order (a two week old box is sitting on your coffee/ separating table right now). Also, check your mailbox for coupons, or call your favorite place and ask to be put on their mailing list for future (whoa, man) coupons and discounts. You’ll see why later (when you come back down)!

Go to their website. Then place your order and sign up for their newsletter or email list that you’ll see once you’re there. This is coooolll (Ok, pull it together hippie) because you will be the first to know of any specials that are running or any new products on the market. Then, check your email for special coupons that they’ll send you (you do own a computer don’t you … yea, that beige box with a typewriter thing attached to it over there)!

Can’t, remember all of this (too heavy for you? LOL)? Well, that’s OK then … just ask your loser friend who worked down at the pizza shop to bring you home one of the ones they were going to throw away at the end of the night! Pizza places usually throw away whatever pizza is leftover before they lock up. So, if your buddy would only say to his boss, “Can I bring this stuff home?” I bet he’ll get an, “Ok, I was going to toss it anyways (LOL. He said toss it)!” Oh, your friend does this every night he works (two times a week)? Then what the hell are you wasting my time for? Get your high ass out of here!

Well, if anyone else learned anything from this article, I’m glad that I could help! By the way, don’t you think it’s about time to make marijuana legal? Ok, this pothead guy I just tried to advise isn’t helping the cause, but really … is it really that bad! Let your congressman know how you feel! See you later …