TLC Has Completely Jumped The Shark!

The Learning Channel: “Life Surprises” … Yea freaking right! Since when?

It’s more like, “Let’s find some untalented families (some of which are baby making machines) and give them a ‘reality (ughh … this word makes me vomit) show’ so the world can watch them do mundane things, while we fill the hour (or for those less-interesting media wh#@es: half an hour) with subliminal advertising!” Yes, that’s more like it!

Wanna hear something crazy? Most sane people can’t actually “learn” anything on this station … this is the “crazy” part! TLC is a cash-hungry business (plain and simple) and the viewer is the only one not making money off their promotional shenanigans (now don’t you feel suckered … that is, if you watch this crap I mean. Sorry smart people). Everyone who sells their soul to this godforsaken channel scores big time, financially speaking … whether it be the “talent” (I use this word very, very loosely) TLC itself, or the advertisers. It took a few years too long for most people to see this big picture, but anyone with half a brain can now realize that ratings and profits are all that TLC cares about— nothing else (and I mean nothing)!

Here’s my take on this den of thieves’ most popular ways to tug at your heartstrings, while they rake it in by the billions (note: I didn’t say millions!):

American Chopper. Sorry to admit this, but I used to watch this show when it was first aired on the Discovery Channel! Now, under a different, TLC light I can really see how crappy it has seriously become! Where it was once about a broken family with at least some motor skills (enough to squeak by in life, I mean) it is now a former shell of itself, and is now all about hocking crappy merchandise, sold in the drugstores and Kmart! This show has lost it entirely … and it’s boring as hell to boot!

Cake Boss. Who gives a flying (fill in this blank with a bunch of swear words) about a cake company? Really? To me, cake is something you eat on your birthday … not decorate your home with! This show had no real meaning (or purpose) from the get go, so it’s going to be all downhill from here (mark my words)! Cake? I can’t believe it! Cake?

Jon And Kate Plus Eight. As some of my readers already know, Jon Gosselin was a good friend of mine, and when I first saw this show I had to wish my boy some luck! Damn John, what happened to your life, bro? That greedy ass Kate really messed you, and your priorities, all to hell. My advice: get back to basics, quit the stupid whiny s#$t, and start raising your kids the right way — like a man! The “super six” probably all wish you the best (at least I do)!

Little People, Big World. How about this … a show about how hard smaller people have it in life? That’s ok if you’re into this, but this lame ass family has suffered the same fate as Jon and Kate … everything’s handed to them, while they really talk about nothing (absolutely NOTHING)! I saw one episode (why? I don’t know!) in which the dad went to some foreign country to LOOK at another small person (a sick child). That’s all he did! Is that a story? Hells to the NO! This show is freaking sad if you ask me!

Overhaulin’. This show once had pizzazz, I heard! However, like American Chopper it has totally sold out to the same greed-driven corporations who obviously sell Ed Hardy clothing, hair gel, and anything else the New Jersey Douche Bags are buying these days! Hey Foose, you call that garbage that you’re “creating” art? I hope not, because they usually look like a white trash person’s dream car when you’re finished messing them up!

This is how I see this dreadfully sickening channel: it is only interested in whatever their marketing “gurus” come up with! They have no understanding of the fact commercials should only be reserved for 30-second spots, and are completely disrespectful to each and every one of their viewers by not even understanding what it’s like to be a human being, even though that’s what they claim to represent (note: they’re not)!

Hey TLC, two things: 1) your viewers are starting to wake up enough to not buy into your s#%t anymore, and 2) people on TV have to have at least some sort of talent if they are going to get paid in this world (none of your shows have more than an ounce of it, and most of them have none, to be quite honest with you)! Will you do something with this knowledge, please — for the sake of all humanity? God, I sure as heck hope so … at least for my wife’s sake (truth: I don’t watch any of your crappy garbage!).

People, TLC is a company, and like any other company it is strictly all about the money — don’t waste your time or energy buying into their lies (at the very least, you have now been warned, before the “dumbing down of society” is totally complete)! Good luck!