They Better Pay Me To Wear Their Shirt!

A six pack of t-shirts at Wal-Mart: $5.99. A single t-shirt at American Eagle: $24.50.

Let me get this straight — you can get six clean shirts, without anything written on them, for the price of one that will let the world know how much of a sucker you are! By sucker, I mean first you went into this trendy mall shop and got robbed on the price (FYI: a freaking t-shirt costs like 26 cents to make) and then you continue to wear this walking billboard around while those evil corporate giants get some free advertising out of you. Does any of this make sense to you?

Common answers to this:

“They’re the hottest things out there”. Wait … a t-shirt company is the hottest thing you got going on? How sad is your life?

“Everyone is wearing them.” If everyone jumped off a … (nah, that’s too easy).

“You don’t know anything.” I know a rip-off when I see one! And, I also know this …

When you wear a t-shirt with a huge company logo on it, there is no question as to what you are trying to say: I spent a lot of money on this shirt to be cool and hip, and really need your acceptance or else I’ll feel even emptier than I do now! Please, accept me! This might not be fair, and I know you don’t want to hear it, but this is the harsh reality. These large companies know it, and this is what they bank on. They don’t care what their shirts “do” for you once they leave the store, so why should you care about them?

Right now, you probably don’t want any more of my free “advice”, and just maybe you’re saying some things about me that even I don’t want to know about, but for those who want to get back at these guys who have been sticking it to the American youth for generations, please read on …

Get the plain white tees. Then wear them around and advertise that you’re not going to take it anymore. It will also show you’re a traditionalist (just like your favorite aunt or uncle, who has been rocking one since the ‘70s).

Paint your own name across your shirt. Let everyone know who you are (an individual thinker, with their own mind). Who knows, it might start a trend (if it does take off, start selling ‘em for $3 a pop. You’ll be cool like Starbucks used to be, years ago).

Spread the word. Tell your little “white rapper” brother to tell all of his boys! Pretty soon the suburbs will filled with more “wannabe” individuals. Let your dad and mom know — you’ll be their hero now, not the other way around!

Burn the Ed Hardy stuff. $90 for a trucker’s cap? Are you kidding me? That place is a joke, don’t be a copycat (or you’ll be a joke too). If you think I’m just after this clown, don’t. Replace his name with anyone trying to sell t-shirts for more than $8, and burn their stuff too. While you do it, laugh real hard. Who’s evil now? You are, that’s who!

The American culture is being flushed down the toilet, through no fault of our own. We can’t go anywhere today without being bombarded with ads (on TV, magazines, billboards, even in the public restrooms, etc.) trying to tell us what’s cool and what’s not. If after reading this, you decide that I’m not cool and you want to continue your life how it was, good luck to you (I hope you see the light sooner or later). Have a nice life!

Psst …Now for those who want to change the way things are, now is a perfect time to start. Go on my friends, be sheep no more …