“The Hills” Lacks Talent, Reality And Decency!

Oh, here we go again … my wife just turned on The Hills! You know, that phony reality show with a no-talent, hack cast (can you tell that I hate this show already? No? Ok, read on then …)!

This show is solid proof that American television is going down the crapper! I don’t even understand what this stupid show is about or what in the world it’s doing actually infecting my television set with all its brain-dead babbling about nothing in particular. Ok, I know this show is catering to high school girls in order to make them go shopping, buy expensive phones, and get plastic surgery, but why is my wife hooked on this garbage (she’s in her late 20’s, by the way)? You know who’s benefiting from this show? The corporations, that’s who!

There is nothing realistic about these phonies’ lives. For instance, the last time I checked, internships don’t last for years and they’re not typically given out to a group of college dropouts. I guess the reason they work at fashion companies is because there weren’t any current openings at a place that wasn’t ripping people off by the billions. Furthermore, if it were any more scripted it would have been taken off the air during the latest round of writer’s strikes. I tell you … the conversations that pour out of these idiot’s mouths are so awkward and forced that they make me uncomfortable just listening to them … in my own house, nonetheless. I literally cringe every time they talk!

Plus, despite what the producers want you to believe, Laguna Beach is not a “small town” … it is a very upscale beach community in Orange County, CA, with NO shortage of multimillion dollar homes, expensive cars, luxury shops or plastic people … in fact that’s ALL there is. The “hills” they talk about are simply the Laguna Beach Hills, high above the beach part of the city. So, to portray the main character as a small town girl from The Hills that knows nothing about Hollywood is laughable at best, as any Los Angeles resident could attest to (unless they’re idiots themselves, I should add here)!

Never had to watch this crap? Man, I envy you! Well anyways, here’s the loser a@# cast I’ve been forced to memorize by name, because my wife keeps bringing them up:

Lauren. This one got the boot, even though my wife said she started the whole thing! Now how is she going to earn enough money to pay for her shopping addiction? Better not put her in any movies, because she has like no acting skills, whatsoever!

Heidi/Spencer. This couple is actually white trash with money! She (read: Butter Face) did Playboy like all skanky actresses do at the ends of their careers, and her man (the one with the flesh-colored beard) didn’t see a problem with that … is this what real husbands, who want to live the rest of their lives with someone, do? Yea, probably not!

Audrina. My wife said this one is beautiful … guess what, my wife is wrong! What’s up with her ceiling eyes (freak-y)! Plus, she just polluted my Maxim magazine two months ago with her nonsense … which is where skanks go when they can’t get a Playboy cover (see Heidi/Spencer)!

Justin-Bobby. The only real character on this show! Sure, he’s a dead beat, and his sole mission is to hook up with all the brain-deads on the show (you know, because those girls slum it like all the times) but can you blame him! Also, he looks like a homeless person, but all the hipsters are dressing like that these days, so in bizzaro-world he’s actually cool (to them, not me)!

Brody. This guy is a waste of space! Sure, his dad was a true Olympian who actually bust his balls to get somewhere in life, but this shallow moron is doing the exact complete opposite … slacker-ass loser!

It would be great if we could rid (read: deport or exile) from our society all these bimbos and dingbats (note: this country would be a much better place without them infecting our airwaves). MTV is ruining our civilization … screw them! Where’s the music anymore, MTV? Why not change your name to FARTV (Fake A@# Reality Television)! The whole cast from The Hills, plus the rest of the Hollywood celebrity idiots you’re using strictly for profit certainly make Californians look like sheer retards!

Really, this show is so damn fake! The “actors” (if I could loosely call them that … very loosely, I mean) are just SOOO freaking shallow it sickens me. Every time my wife turns this crap on, I can literally feel everything I learned that day drain out of my brain. How can MTV fix this crime against humanity, which they continue to do each time they air this crap? S@#t-can their execs for airing this crap, that’s how!

I can’t believe people actually WANT to melt their brain cells with this sad excuse for a television show! Ok, I said my piece! Watch it if you wish, but don’t say I didn’t warn you!