The Gym is For Punks and Suckers: Try A Real Workout!

Left, right, left, right … (a blast of wind) left, right …

When the open road comes calling, it’s really hard to turn a blind eye, and not come out howling like a wolf (or spider monkey, depending on your size)! I mean, can you think of a better way to stay in shape than pushing every muscle you have into keeping up a 30+ mph cadence down a long, cold, lonely and awfully winding road with nothing to protect yourself with, besides a super-light aluminum frame and a very high-tech helmet?

If you answered “no” I feel sorry for you! If you went the other route, let’s talk shop: first, the endless selection of makes and models on the market can send your mind down a super slippery slope. While the selection process for a perfect bike is completely personal (you’ll want one that will reflect your own personal style) there are some basic guidelines to consider before you start pounding the pavement in your quest to be the next Lance Armstrong. Here they are, in a nutshell:

Money is the root of all evil. What do you want this bike to “do” for you? Help you suffer those long cross-country rides? Or are you planning on just making a statement with an expensive “cruiser” bike (like the rest of the posers at the coffee shop [or café, with a snotty accent] down the street)? Staying on a budget is the smartest thing to do, but with so many options available, it’s very easy to go way overboard. Tip: Don’t (get a great frame and you’ll be able to add to it later)!

Life is a highway. A long, grueling one. Where, and how often, do you plan on taking this sweet machine out? If you’re going to man-up for the long-distance, 5 am rides, then a touring bike is definitely right for you! With their oversized road tires and silky-smooth rides, these puppies are built for saving your back during these trips. If quick, easy jaunts around town are more on your mind, then I don’t have an answer for you. Oh yea I do (I forgot): stay at home, flabby!

Style is not as important. Unless you really care about things like this! If so, I can see the conversation now: “Hey man, Is that the new titanium …. How much did it cost?” Sip of a double caramel latte, and then, “(a crazy price).” Response to that: “Don’t get that thing dirty!” Yea, that’s the posers I told you about (don’t join their dumb gang; some people have more money than guts).

Top notch quality … doesn’t have to cost you an arm and a leg! It’ll pay to do some research on the company of the bike you chose first — the reason: some make expensive crap, and some make cheap perfection. Do your homework so you can correctly compare features and get the most out of your new ride. Hey, it’s you body we’re talking about — take care of it by only getting the good stuff!

Keep this baby on the road. A lifetime warranty and great customer service are indispensable — period! It will not only give you peace of mind, but it also shows that a company values its customer base. Another service that sells: the ability to upgrade your bicycle at a later date. This is when you know they truly care! Show them you care by only doing business with them, and telling all your friends about the experience!

So before you make that demanding journey towards staying in shape (without having to deal with the shallow gym types) arm yourself with what you just learned, do some more research, and above all else: take your time (never rush any financial decisions in life). Finally: don’t let some bike shop owner sucker you into something you don’t really want or need. Keep him honest by asking to see his own personal bike — if he doesn’t have one or his breath smells like caramel, do yourself a favor and walk out of there. Now!