Store Bought Roadside Emergency Kits Are A Rip-Off!

I was taking a walk yesterday afternoon at the park, and when I got back to my car I noticed that my plastic engine cover was hanging down from where it should be (it shouldn’t be on the ground, I know that)!

When I got down to have a closer look, I noticed that three of the bolts that should have been holding it in place were no longer doing “their” job (no thanks to my habit of driving up onto those damn concrete parking lot stopper things). At the time, I only had two options: 1) I could drive home like this and risk having it fall off and help add to the Florida Highway’s trash (believe me, they don’t need any more) or 2) I could find something to hold it up until I could get home later to fix it. I was heavily favoring option 2, and this is the one I went with since I keep some rope in the trunk (I really impress myself sometimes).

Whether you’re a frequent road-tripper, or prefer short jaunts around town, a cheap roadside emergency kit can mean the difference between getting back on the road or being stuck waiting for a tow truck. Don’t get me wrong — I’m not suggesting that you buy those expensive kits they sell everywhere for $50 plus dollars. In fact, I could probably help you make one for less than $10. Don’t believe me? Well, read on my fellow skeptics!

The following are the bare-bone necessities you’ll need to keep your car on the road:

Vise-grips = $2.50. Anything more and you are being ripped off. Mine are from the dollar store, and let me tell you this: they worked like a charm for the few times I had to use them. Sure, they’re not as attractive, but is you trunk really holding a beauty contest back there. If so, you got problems!

Cheap socket set = read on. Skip Sears (unless it’s near Christmas, and you can throw some “hint, hints” to the family). Instead go to Harbor Freight Tools (or something similar) and get a set for like $3.50. Think that’s too cheap? Let me tell you this then: your car won’t care about quality when it leaves you stranded out on the cold highway! They’ll do in a pinch — trust me!

Rope = cheap. A man can never have enough of it (I think I heard this once on a cheesy 80’s movie). Seriously! I’ve seen trunks held down, and mufflers held up — you should always have enough of this on hand (plus: it’s really cheap or even free if you have some at home). This is also a great after-accident, fixer-upper as well (you’ll see when you need it)!

Roll of duct tape = $1. Duct tape will fix everything (temporarily)! Busted hoses, pipes, loose parts — all can be repaired in the short term with this wonderful material, until you have a chance to really put it back together or replace it. Bonus: it can be used to shut up your friend who “told you so” about 50 miles back!

Tap water = free. I always have water on me (what can I say, I like to drink water) especially while driving in the hot Florida sun. If my car ever overheats, I don’t think my radiator’s going to say, “No thanks, I prefer the bottled stuff!” Besides, my filtered water is probably cleaner that that rip-off garbage anyways.

Think I left some things out? Well, it’s really easy to say NO to the “car experts” advice (read: people who copy, and profit, off of each other’s nonsense]). Here’s to shooting down their dumb advice:

Roadside flares. Keep you flashers on for the same effect! Save $15-20!

A quart of oil. Why? You shouldn’t be driving your car if it’s that low anyway!

Small first aid kit. Use anything for now (shirt, extra cloth). My first aid kits always go bad anyways!

Extra fuses. Cars come with these, if you know where to look (note: in the fuse box)! If not, use another one from a less important part (ex. cigarette lighter, radio) in its place ‘till you get home!

Flashlight. Ok you got me smart guy. Add another $1 (from the dollar store, not some fancy outfitters).

Always remember this: the most valuable tool you can carry sits inside that hard thing between your shoulders! That’s right, it’s your own sound judgment (example of bad judgment: stopping to change a flat tire in the high-speed lane, during a blinding downpour. Just plain stupid, if you ask me). Use your brain, and run those “emergency kit” guys out of both your town and business.

One last thing: If you can’t fix it when it breaks, you’ll be better off waiting for the AAA man to come. He’s free if you have a membership, and you can always blame him when something goes wrong (I can’t remember any bad incidents with this reliable service. Actually, their membership is one of my more sound purchases)!