Stop Drinking Coffee? Over My Dead Body!

You ever run into a whack-job, health nut on the street who told you that coffee is bad for you?

Well, if you haven’t, don’t worry … they’re all the same: first they’ll start clamoring into their long-winded, holier-than-thou spiel of telling you how coffee is no good for you, and that sooner or later it’s going to affect your blood pressure to the point that it will kill you. They’ll also state loudly that this is common knowledge (note: it’s not, by a long shot). What they won’t state at all: that they’re on the ‘roids again (note: they are). Freaking drug-addicted hypocrites!

Despite these weirdoes we, as pure-blooded Americans, continue to enter the coffee shops by the millions every single day (this just in: tea sucks, coffee kicks its ass). For many of us during this down-sloped economy, however, getting this daily fix is tearing out a huge hole in our pockets! What’s a person to do, you ask? Cut down on the good stuff? No thank you, sir … I’d rather give up my cable services than do something crazy like that (there’s nothing good on TV anyways). Sure, it kind of makes sense from a strictly financial standpoint, but from where I’m standing it doesn’t look likely to happen!

Fact: I absolutely love good coffee, and I’m not about to stop drinking it anytime soon! The good news for those of you in my same Type-A, full-steam-ahead boat is that there is a really great alternative to getting your fix from the hack baristas at the local coffee hole (if you’re buying from Starbucks, and not living in Seattle, I should punch you in the throat — hard! Why, you ask? Because that place sucks and it’s for posers, that’s why!): making your stuff at home! An ever-increasing number of coffee drinkers are doing just that (what most of these people aren’t doing: buying the almost $10 Starbucks bags that the grocery stores are ripping customers off with)!

Besides being cheaper (I won’t go into the numbers here, just know that you will be saving dearly) the simple fact is that coffee made at home is so much tastier anyways. How so, you ask? I don’t know, really … it just is for some strange reason, but if you never give it a chance you’ll more than likely think just the opposite, due to product placement/ branding efforts from the marketers, and beautiful (read: phony) people drinking the stuff on billboards and in magazines from the advertisers, who try and tell you how to think and what to buy (note: it’s not your fault, they get us all sometimes)!

Here’s a little secret that the coffee chains don’t want you to know: those specialty selections that they sucker you into buying (think African Sumatra or Hawaiian blend) are primarily made up of regular house blend with just a smidgeon of this actual blend put in for flavor (you mad yet?).

So go forth and start drinking better, and much cheaper, coffee today! Then go sucker punch that gym-freak (reason: they’re annoying as s%$t)!