Performing a Minor Operation on Your Car’s Tires

I have a problem sitting out in my trunk!

No, I didn’t get a new job with the Mafia (first, they don’t have good benefits, and second, I don’t like clubs that you can’t quit when you’re unhappy with them). No, Florida’s I-595 Highway chalked up another victory against my car’s rear left tire today, and I had to put my spare on till I got back home (ok, AAA did — why not use it when you got it?). The problem: a nail is stuck in it, causing a slow leak!

If you want to protect yourself from paying mechanic shop fees for this unnecessary charge, my advice would be to purchase a cheap tire repair kit and keep it in your trunk for emergencies. The rest of this article will tell you what to do with it when this tiny setback rears its ugly head:

Give it a quick once over. If you get lucky, you’ll see a nail head stuck into the tread. First curse those damn idiots that left it on the road for you to suffer the consequences (I think it’s a tow truck company conspiracy) and then pull it out with a set of pliers. Don’t worry: it won’t blow up in your face (I used to think that it would. It made me scared as hell).

Break out the Irish Spring. If you went round and round the tire and couldn’t find a nail or piece of glass, you next option is to wash the tire down with soapy water, a small section at a time. If you see any air bubbles, guess what? You struck pay dirt — the problem is right before your eyes. Now let’s get down and dirty with it!

Tools of the trade, Part 1. From your kit, grab the rasp tool (it has a file-like ending). After you clean the problem area, stick this thing in the hole. Make sure you leave this tool in there, until the next part, so that all the air doesn’t escape.

Tools of the trade, Part 2. Place a tire plug (gooey string with rubber cement on it) through the insertion tool (looks like a needle) so that half of the “string” hangs down each side of the tool. Now looks at your hands, and know they’ll be clean soon (if you get the next part right)!

Part 1, meet Part 2! Remove the rasp tool from the hole and quickly insert the needle with plug into the tire and leave about a ¼” sticking out of the tire (this will patch the outside). Quickly remove the insertion tool from the tire. Note: if done too slowly, the plug will come back out with the tool. Another note: do it faster the second time around!

Fill ‘er up. The tire, that is. Just make sure to use the proper tire pressure. My advice: if your gauge cost less than $1.30, it will register wrong (trust me: even my cheap ass won’t use this kind). Don’t have money for a good one (over $1.30)? Try prying one from your old man’s tight fist (or catch him when he’s sleeping).

Now look at your watch? It probably only took you about 15 minutes, right? Thought so. Having one of these kits handy will save you time and time again, because you’ll never have to pay those ridiculous repair fees again. “The shops only charge $15.00 to fix it, so why should I be so cheap” you ask? Well, after you stop mocking me I’ll explain: the highways around here are littered with junk and I already had to use my kit four times this year alone. So let’s see: $15 x 4 = $60 from the shop, before taxes (didn’t add those in did you?). And …

The kit costs around $6 — you do the math. Have fun saving money, Mr. (or Mrs.) Fix-it!