In The Near Future: “Daddy, What’s A Starbucks?”

So long Starbucks, and good riddance!

Who would have thought you could have made so much money selling coffee? Well, the overpriced coffee fad had to die down eventually (just like everything else in this world) and your contingency plans were horrible (you can thank your upper management for that). I mean, did you think that you were going to keep this “nutty” thing going on until the end of times?

Seriously? You had a good (no, great) run, you saturated the market for the longest time and now your customers are answering the questions that you should have brought up in your board room meeting — “Why am I paying $4 for coffee that I can make at home?” or “What’s wrong with McDonald’s coffee? It’s cheaper and taste better!” Sound familiar? Yea, probably not!

Can I ask you a serious question, the decision makers of Starbucks? What is up with your merchandising guru? Mugs, I kind of get (it holds coffee) but didn’t you already give me a free cup for my drink? Also, why are you selling music CDs with the crappiest musicians on them? Seriously, that’s what my Dad and Mom listen too, and they certainly aren’t frequenting your establishment! Your guy needs to wake up, smell the coffee and realize this, or else (fill in any bad scenario)!

Sure, you provide a place to hang out (and maybe meet a weird chick that likes to quote dead writers with some mad coffee breath) but, if you people ever did the math, you would know that these creeps stay way too long, and scare off real customers who are in and out! Yea, you have Wi-Fi so I can hook up my laptop, but you forgot to think about this: so does everyone else nowadays (bars do. So do laundromats, and the list goes on and on)!

Well Starbucks … this is what happens when a company forgets to put their money where their mouth is! Remember all your advertising talk about “getting back to your roots” and then forgetting about all the people who took care of you for all these years! Busy New Yorkers skipped their Timothy’s for your bitter drinks, and so did the Montana suburbanites who wanted to keep up with the Joneses! For a long, long time (37 years to be exact) many people across this great nation of ours were Starbucks crazy! However, that time has now come to a close, and I can’t really say that I am sorry about that (not with a clear conscience, anyway).

When your upper management no longer got “it”, everything else started tumbling down like dominoes! Now, when you jerks stop listening to your worker bees (store managers and baristas) that get the job done daily, and continue to worry about your huge salaries, it’s a checkmate scenario (and nothing less). You should have seen the writing on the wall!

Good-Bye Starbucks — hello grocery-store coffee!