I’m About To Slam Costco In 5, 4, 3, 2 …

After paying $50 a year for the “privilege” of standing in super long lines, and buying crap that you can get elsewhere for cheaper, I have finally gotten my fill of Costco. This place sucks, and the rest of this article is filled with my p@#%ed-off opinion of this big-box dump …

It’s a place where people can get a deal on 10 pound bottles of oversized products that can’t possibly be consumed BEFORE the expiration date! It’s a store that displays their products on freaking warehouse shelving, instead of presenting them in a clean, sanitary environment like a normal store does. The “savings” at this place are at best absolutely minimal, pound for pound, and even if you did see something there that you like you could just as easily buy it from their website without a membership (but then you might not be able to return those outdated Tommy Hilfiger jeans that you just rummaged out of a heaping pile of 10,000 others exactly like it).

It’s a place where companies hand out free memberships to all their employees, who only shop there because they got an “awesome” free membership without even taking a second to realize the store doesn’t really have s@#t anyway (it helps them feel special however. Like they’re in an exclusive club of dips@#ts who think paying to shop is a great idea). It’s where they treat you like a criminal from the moment you walk in the door, up until the moment that you leave. A place that also has the audacity to interrogate you one last time on your way out (don’t worry: you waved your right to search and seizure protection when you signed up. Better read the fine print next time).

Costco must have learned their horrible business model from the credit card companies who also don’t seem to be satisfied in making an honest buck. For instance, the Costco down here in Boca Raton even has a stupid sign at their checkout registers stating that if your membership card has expired, they’re going to charge the renewal fee to your total order at checkout (how big of a d@#k is a company that automatically charges your credit card for something you may not even want? You decide)! When will these companies abandon their unethical behavior that attempt to blindside the very people who are keeping them in business?

Want to know why I believe Costco sucks? Well then, read on:

They sell most of their items in bulk, which is fine for some things with a long shelf life (which most of their stuff doesn’t possess) but not so good for perishables (note: perishables are pretty expensive there). Most American breadwinners would have to agree that this is way too much product (unless you’re a Duggar, a Gosselin, or my old man of course)!

As for their checkout section, I always bring along War and Peace to read (seriously, I read the whole book while in line. Cover to cover). Plus, you should have your membership AND credit card out by the time you see a cashier, unlike most of these old people at ours down here (it gets freaking aggravating, trust me). What is up with Costco and old people anyways? Seriously?

You can never find an employee when you need one. Walk around for a half hour looking for one, and you’ll see that I’m telling the truth … it’s ridiculous! The only ones I can ever find are the door guards, returns people, cashiers, and a guy in the deli giving out free lobster spread samples. That’s it! You know why nobody works the floor at Costco? Because they’d be bombarded by lost customers, that’s why!

Their selection actually sucks, if you want to know the real truth. Costco has a little bit of this and a little bit of that, but not enough of anything substantial. Sure, they have six kinds of cereal, or three kinds of shampoo, but why can’t they have a better selection like a “real” store does? This kind of s@#t really bothers me!

Screw this place … my membership just expired last week, as the women working checkout has “conveniently” brought to my attention (why don’t they put this valuable info on the freaking card? I smell a conspiracy!). When she asked me if I wanted to be charged for a renewal, like the sign read, I said, “No way!” Then she gave me a one-time expired purchase allowance, and I quickly headed towards the door where I was assaulted by the security goon (I thought I handled it pretty good myself, but I know that I can be a d@#k sometimes). The truth is that I have not missed this crap-hole since, and I can always find better deals in the newspaper circulars anyway.

I’ve been a Costco member for exactly one whole year (since my wife forced me to become one … LOL, I’m too cheap to fork over $50 for something I don’t want or need) and I am so glad that this little experiment is over with! BTW: I only went there 3 times during that period, and have never found any real deals to speak of. Is this worth the cost of admission? In my opinion, “Hell’s no!” Well, you have the right to your own opinion, so shop there at your own discretion — or financial risk, I should say!