I’m A Representative for A.Y.C.E. Buffets Everywhere!

Americans love the all-you-can-eat buffet (unless they’re on a diet, of course)!

My first true love for them happened at Shady Maple, in East Earl Township (in Lancaster County, PA) back in the late ‘80s. The reason I fell so hard, so fast: this place is possible the best looking restaurant I have ever been to in my life, and to top it off their food is top-notch. If you’ve ever been to Sizzlers, Old Country Buffet, or CiCi’s and now you’re thinking that you really know what buffets are all about, let me tell you this: you don’t know anything (yet, read on)!

I really love Dutch cooking, and this place has that in spades! I also love it when my “hot” food is hot and my “cold” food is cold, and again this place has me covered! Actually, there’s really nothing missing here: when you’re done stuffing yourself you can walk off the calories in their farmer’s market, and huge gift shop. Another thing you can do: see some smiling faces (unlike a lot of places, Boca Raton being one of them).

Yea, there are buffets all over this nation, and since I am now over 1,100 miles away from my favorite place, I am forced to explore them as well. If you’ve never been to one (which is really, really sad) please do it right the first time: memorize the following “menu”, and no one will know you’re a newbie!

Get a good seat. Go ahead: grab a front row ticket to paradise! Well, not “that” close — you know how busy these places can get (oh wait, no you don’t). What I’m trying to get at is to always make sure you have a good view of everything (the food I mean. don’t be nosy). This way you’ll be the first to know when the good stuff comes out, and you’ll also be first in line.

Plan your attack. Don’t load your plate up with the first thing you see. Take a look around first and get a good lay of the land. This way, you’re preventing yourself from filling up on the cheaper items like salads and potatoes, when there’s barbeque “everything” to discover. My advice for getting your money’s worth: eat as much meat as possible (you’ll feel like a very full Tyrannosaurus Rex, and that’s a good thing).

Use small plates: There’s always a stack of large plates just sitting there — skip those! Grab some bread plates instead and use those exclusively. This is a two-fold attack: first, it will trick your mind into thinking you’re eating more food than you really are, and second, you can always refill these tiny plates with more hot food anyway (say goodbye to cold “hot food”). Bonus: you’ll burn calories by keep going back up (just kidding, but it’s my own little thing I do, tricking my mind as such).

Only eat the new stuff: Never, I repeat ever, bother with a tray that’s less than a quarter full. It means the food is stale, soggy, sneezed on (a lot) and low quality, compared to the new food they’re going to replace it with. Trick: let that “line-cutter” think he got one over on you by grabbing the last piece (go ahead buddy, have fun with that!).

Use your waiter: See that guy collecting plates, with a uniform on? Yea, that’s a waiter, and at these kinds of places they never give them enough to do (it’s not their fault: they work at a buffet). Go ahead, use his services: ask for more drinks, or ask to get a small plate of the new stuff when it comes out (they’ll get it for you, I promise). These fake waiters love tips as much as real waiters do, but hate the hard work those guys are subjected to. Tip: make them work that hard for you!

There are basically two types of people who go to an all-you-can-eat buffet. One is the individual who enjoys a lot of variety. Not being subjected to whatever the cook feels like giving you that day can be very liberating. The other type is what I like to consider myself as: someone who knows a good bargain when he sees one! There’s a million reasons posted on the web for not going to buffets — my advice: don’t listen to that garbage (let those people eat cake, that’s been sitting around for weeks)! Man, I’m getting myself hungry.