How To Impress On A First Date (Cheaply)

Next February, I am getting married to a wonderful woman.

Looking back on my life, I’d have to say that I was pretty lucky with the ladies (well as lucky as a cheap troll can be). This part of my life is now over, and I have to admit that I am a little relieved. Dating is not only hard on the emotions; it is also hard on the wallet. Single guys: since I have no more use for them, here go my favorite cheap date ideas:

The beach picnic. First, find a great beach — NO screaming kids and NO tourist traps! Second, if your spot has a nice sunset view, take her during this time. The further you have to drive to get there, the better. It will give you the opportunity to really connect with your date along the way. Bring along these simple items: cheap wine, cheese, bread, and fresh fruit. It’s a trouble-free way to let nature work for you. Unless there’s a hurricane!

The hike. Hoboes do it, why not you? Hiking is great, because it lets you show off the survival skills you learned from watching Man vs. Wild. Don’t, however, go around eating raw animals like that nut (it’s creepy, to say the least). Getting back to Seriousville, a walk in the park provides an excellent opportunity to talk with your date, enjoy the fresh air and show her you’re an all-around kind of guy. Just make sure to bring some food and water — and some signaling devices. You never know!

The restaurant insider. Got a buddy that works at a fine restaurant? If you’re fortunate enough to have such a connection, take full advantage of him (uh, it). Let him keep the wine, meals, and desserts coming, and then wave off the check like you were “Jack” from the Fight Club. This way, you’ll provide your date with a lofty meal on the sly. When she asks, “Why did that waiter give us free food,” look her in the eyes and tell her, “I don’t know.” Remember: You don’t talk about the fight club.

Do not – I repeat – do not keep pulling this cheap crap off as you start liking this woman. If six months go by and you’re still trying to score free food off your waiter “friend” (which he won’t be by this time) she WILL find out that you’re a tightwad. You don’t have to break the bank to win her heart, but realize that there are occasions when she might expect more. If you don’t give it to her, someone else will — and you’ll wind up listening to The Cure, and eating Haagen-Dazs by yourself.