Hey Niecy Nash … This Guy Needs A Clean House!

Ok, she did it – she forced you to sell your stuff (she called it junk). Again!

You’ve played this game before, but somehow only wound up making like $15 for the thousands you spent on the stuff in the first place. This time however, you did it right: you got your ad in the paper early (two weeks early to be exact) and you posted it all over Craigslist. People have been calling you all week about it, because you were smart enough to put your phone number in the ad, which stated, “Call if you have any questions.” Timing and placement of your ads are certainly critical, and you have this all covered. Good for you!

On the date of this big event, you have a lot of good things to sell (despite what she says) and only a little time to do it in. It’s the night before the big event and you’re starting to get nervous now, so let me help you out — I’ve done this lots and lots of times already, and I consider myself somewhat of an expert. If you truly want to make back some of the money that the retailers “stole” from you, and you also want to keep your shoppers honest, please read on …

Before the early-birders get there (at like 6:00 am [these people are sick]) make sure you did the following:

Hang signs up. Make ‘em big! Big enough so drivers can read ‘em while driving by in the morning darkness. Put ‘em on every high traffic corner within a two-mile radius. This WILL attract many, many garage sale hunters (trust me). Include all the information they’ll need to get there like your address, dates, times, items sold, and directions (I’d say phone number, but there are way too many creeps out there).

Straighten up the place. Organization is super important! Nothing says amateur like a sloppy looking yard sale. Keep the place clean, and think about how the people will be walking through the area — give them enough room to view all the items you’re offering. This will not only increase their exposure, but it will also generate more cash for you (your goal, right?).

Price-tag everything. Garage sale hunter = bargain hunter — keep this in mind at all times (or else they’ll just move on to the next sale). Trick: mark your items with a price a little higher than what you’re looking for (but not too much, it’ll spook them) so they think they’re getting a bargain when you let them “have it” for the low-ball number they’ll throw at you. This lets you negotiate, but also prevents you from being taken (note: let them on the stuff you consider junk. You’ll save on your garbage bill this way).

You did all this, and your part is done, right? Not! Some of the crooks that always happen to show up to these things have just begun their part. Here are some of the cast of criminals to look out for to ensure that things go smoothly. Memorize them, and no one will be able to get one over on you:

People with Kids. Not all families, just the shady-looking ones (you’ll know them when you see them, trust me. Note: don’t be a bigot, that’s not what I’m saying here). Use some common sense: when a kid’s acting like he’s breaking things on one side of the yard, let him while you keep your focus on his accomplice (with the large, stuffed purse or bag). Distraction is a common tool for thieves: always keep an eagle’s eye on the “parent” (they’re the ones with the money, and kids only steal small, cheap stuff anyway).

The Human Calculator. If someone’s trying to “help” by totaling the prices of their items up for you, watch out. Most people do it honestly, but scumbags do it dishonestly to get things cheaper on the down-low. If something just doesn’t feel right, tell this “helper” that you need to itemize everything “for a friend”, to keep the money straight. If you called them on their bluff, good for you!

The Big Bill Man. They’ll flash you a hundred, and ask for change! When you check your stash, they’ll pocket it and try to confuse you (these guys are good). Simple solution: a big sign saying, “$20 bills, or lower, only please!”Also: 1) keep your money guarded at all times, and 2) when you get a large bill, leave it out while you count the change. You are now secure against these a-holes!

Yard sales are a fun way to meet your extended network of neighbors! They are also a great way to get the Little Misses off of your back. After this liquidation that just took place, you’ll now have more room in the house, and you’ll also have extra money to buy more junk! If you did it right (like I just taught you) you should have a nice chunk of change. Why not invest it? No? Ok, I see where you are driving off to …

Why not catch one of my upcoming articles on buying the right high-definition, flat-panel TVs, before you do anything stupid. “Too late,” he says … go figure! When will we learn?