Hey Kids: The Mall Is For Losers!

Back in my high school days, I couldn’t wait to take my motorcycle over to the mall and spend countless hours sitting on the benches with my friends (who all seemed to prefer the color black).

What I didn’t do was go into the stores, because they really didn’t offer me anything I wanted. As I got older, I realized that I wasn’t that cool back then (or now), but I sure did learn how to save money. What I’m passing on to you, the next generation, is this: you don’t have to buy anything to be happy. Here’s how to resist the urge to splurge:

Plan a budget and stick to it. Don’t treat your budget like a red headed stepbrother. Show some respect for it! Budgeting is really tough, but it’s a great way to get your finances under control and avoid accumulating complaints from your parents. My favorite when I was your age: “You’re going to put us in the poorhouse!” My response: “Really? Am I?” They hated that.

Use the mallrat system. Having fun with your friends might keep you from running into the FYE or Spencer’s, both of which hawk crappy merchandise. It’s like a small support group to help escape the consumer culture. Tips: 1) CDs got one foot in the grave, and 2) Only the kids with lice and army jackets, who sit in the back of class and sleep, buy clothing at Spencer’s.

Buy well made clothing. If you must purchase clothes, choose something that can take a beating. Also avoid purchasing items that will quickly go out of fashion (ex. anything bought at the “cool” stores). Think long term: a more durable item costing 30% more up front will still be a bargain if you can use it twice as long. Well-worn clothing feels better as well, and will never go out of style.

Pay cash (yours or your parent’s). Studies show that most people spend less when paying with cash, as opposed to paying with credit. This is possibly caused by the illusion that you are not using “real” money when you use a credit card. Let me warn you: those bills will be real, and so will those harassing phone calls.

Examine your spending habits. Are you buying that iPhone for the features, or because all the kids at school were suckered by the advertisements, and now they want you to join their stupid gang? Don’t fall prey to consumerism, or your friends’ obsession with spending — that thing will be in a Goodwill bargain bin soon (at 50¢ a pound).

If you can’t think of any other places to hang out at, let me help you: meet up at a friend’s house, go for a walk on a nature trail, or try a free concert or event. At first, this will feel strange, but sooner or later you will realize that the mall is pathetic. This thought alone will make the process go much smoother.

Do me a favor: pass this information along when you get a chance. Do not, however, plaster it all over the mall parking lot. Actually, go ahead — sometimes being bad can be so much fun. From one ex-mallrat to another, stop letting the “man” cheat you out of your hard-earned moolah.