Getting Paid Big Time To Fake It!

Want to be a famous actor or actress? Who doesn’t nowadays!

However, did you know that only a century ago, acting was thought of as one of the white-trashiest of professions? The term highest paid actors would have been an oxymoron back then (if people knew how to use it properly … most people couldn’t read, let alone use smart words like that). Now, fast forward to this present day and age and freaking actors are placed among the highest rank members of this fake ass, money-fueled society that us Americans have come to know as our world. The biggest actors are making over $20 million a movie (I don’t think I’ll ever see that much cash in my life … actually, I’m pretty sure of that fact!). Pretty sweet huh (I hope you answered yes … if not, you’re either lying or plain stupid)?

And guess what: the highest paid actors are not necessarily only on the silver screen either. Many big name television actors (you know them by heart, so no need to mention them here) command top dollar for what they do (which is not that much, if you’re into that sort of thing). People like George Clooney (I hate this lucky bastard … it’s like he won the lottery before he was born) who has first made his name on the hit television series E.R., has successfully made the huge jump from TV to film quite nicely.

Most of the times, however, it’s the Hollywood film stars who are at the top of the list of highest paid actors. And most of them can be broken down into four generalized categories (which is much easier for the brain to comprehend … well, at least my brain, which is high on coffee right now):

Heartthrobs. Sure time changes everything, but in the world of film there will always be the “It” men that get regular women’s motors running (and then these same women come home, and watch out … the fire has been set! Woo Hoo!). The 80’s had Cruise and Depp (he’s kind of coming back a little bit now, but not too much), the 90’s had Hanks and Pitt (freaking show-offs) and the millennium has brought us … who in the hell knows any more (Man, I’m getting old … forgive me)! Well, you get the point, right?

Sweethearts. These are the ladies that prove you don’t have to be a bitch or a diva, to make it in Hollywood! Julia Roberts is probably at the top of this list, and so are Jessica Alba and Jennifer Garner. Women, this is the type of lady that you’ll want to become if you ever want long lasting success in this business (and also if you don’t want your heart to keep getting broken like Jennifer Aniston … I can only guess her standards are way too high. Plus, Angelina is so much hotter. Sorry).

Comedians. Can you think of someone funnier than Will Ferrell or Adam Sandler (never mind their latest crap sandwiches)? I can’t, but if you’re the type that needs a distant second, I’ll throw some more, less amusing guys at you … Jim Carrey, Will Smith, and Jerry Seinfeld (Oh, looky here … all three have sold out and are doing some really, really not so funny stuff lately).

The Legends. You looking at me … I don’t see nobody else, so you must be looking at me … yea, De Niro made this list, and so did Pacino! These are the type of actors who have a lot of clout in Hollywood, and have earned the respect from the rest of the suck-up losers. They’re now at the point in their careers where they no longer have to brown nose, because they are just that good. Note: you’ll want to get to this level … trust me on this one! These guys will be around forever!

Trying to break into acting now? Ok then, here comes the scary part: you’ll have to bust your ass for a few years to even earn enough credit to get a SAG card, and even then it’s not all roses! The down side of a SAG card: it’s going to cost a couple thousand buckaroos to get one. Here’s the rest of my scare tactics (that I hope will work for you weak-willed kids): a non-union extra only gets $50 to $75 per day. Now joining SAG (finally) will bump you up to $150 per day, and if you are lucky enough to become a one in a million long-shot who finds themselves with a little camera time, you’ll make about $375 per day (before taxes, of course) usually. Is this real money, in your opinion? If so, I say go for it, and good luck (I personally like to have better odds than this at making some serious dough — but that’s just me)!

Now here’s the really scary part (for you thick-skulls): actors are famous (no, notorious) for waiting tables! That’s kind of the everyday joke about actors who aren’t acting currently. However, the ones who don’t have giant egos usually wind up doing smaller spots such as cameos, commercials, and supporting roles during the slow periods (which most of the time, it will be). They’ll also pursue their other interests (i.e. singers, going to college for something more substantial) until they get another acting gig (which may never come, to be honest with you). Sorry for being a Debbie Downer … but it’s the simple truth of the matter!

Hey, this acting stuff just isn’t for me (Plus, I’m kind of ugly as sin) but if it floats your boat, then I say go for it … just don’t sell out along the way (like most of the phonies you see plastered all over the tabloids)! Good luck thespian (No, I didn’t mean lesbian)!