Don’t Read This If You’re Happy With Your Job!

Some days the news makes me sick (note: Fox makes me sick everyday)!

Here you have some talking heads showing Americans the worst news they can scrounge up in order to keep us sedate. They’d prefer that most of us stay in debt — this way they can keep us tuning into their shows looking for a savior. If you want to know the truth, these guys don’t know anything: they’re reading off of teleprompters, and passing themselves off as experts.

If you listen to their “simple” money-saving advice long enough, I can guarantee you’ll still be in debt for years to come. If you’re tired of hearing about how you should be spending less, why not make the conscience effort to make more at work, instead? The following steps will show you how:

Make “nice” with coworkers. Join the fantasy football team, and invite everyone out for drinks after work. If these people like you, they’ll be happy to help you with your career advancement, experts say. These experts also say popularity beats competence (not fair, I know). So who cares if you can work the spreadsheets like Bill Gates, if no one’s around to witness it? Note: stop needlessly criticizing people, and watch what you say in emails —it gets around! Another note: Smile. And mean it this time!

Go back to school. Degrees make money for people who have them, and the difference can be significant. For example, a bachelor’s degree in business will, on average, net an extra $350, 000 to an employee’s lifetime income. Even an associate’s degree will bring a huge increase over a high school diploma. If you have neither, you probably just complain, in silence, about how you could do a better job than the people with degrees. Go get one too.

Go ahead: brag a little. Modesty, Schmodesty. Show your boss what you mean to the bottom line by creating a portfolio of your achievements. Put in some facts and figures, charts (not in crayon) and pepper it with words like first, highest, and best. Show the head honcho how you made this company grow (add this word in there too). This presentation will definitely peak their interest. No raises this year? Ask for a bonus instead. Don’t give up easily — it shows initiative!

While you’re at it, ask for a raise again. Gave the presentation already, and the chief’s not budging? I’m stuck then (you didn’t use crayons did you?). Actually, your boss’s hands might be tied right now with office politics, but, it never hurts to ask; just don’t keep asking (no one likes a complainer). Let the boss know your career ambitions and your contributions to the company’s success, and let it go at that. If after six months, you’re getting nowhere, it might be time to …

Get a better job. If you’re money hungry, look for a job that will pay you what you’re worth (bad advice if you’re worthless). Other choices to consider: moonlighting, freelancing, or opening up your own business (try t-shirts, people love them). Never forget this simple fact: how much you make during your career is totally up to you. Anyone who tells you differently is probably stuck at a job they hate!

Using these ideas will help you get the income you deserve — but never mistake money for happiness. If the grass always seems to be greener on the other side, take a walk over there and turn around. Yours might be just as nice!

P.S.: Sorry for being so grim earlier, Hannity & Colmes just do that to me!