Don’t Be A Richard Cranium (DH For Short)!

Just because you’re right about something doesn’t mean you’re not wrong! And even though you say stuff worth hearing, if you’re being a jerk it’s going to fall on deaf ears, because no one likes listening to a DH, no matter how right they are.

Ever since the dawn of time, humankind has been divided into two distinct personalities: Those who are welcome in society, and those who aren’t. Now imagine this weird scenario for a second: you’re a caveman (not one of those creepy GEICO ones, though) and the other cro-magnums have kicked you out of the group to fend for yourself! Pretty scary, huh? Well today’s society is no different (except that we wear clothes and walk upright, of course!) so if you happen to be a DH, you better change your evil ways. “How?” you ask? Well, first you must know what characteristics to look out for …

These are the early warning signs of becoming a DH:

1) You have an exaggerated sense of self-importance

The DH, when challenged, will always state some unbelievable-sounding credentials to justify and boost people’s opinion of them. When further challenged, the DH will usually just get angry and refuse to further authenticate the presented credentials (or lies) with a freaking zinger like, “I already said so, and that should be good enough!”

2) You refuse to abide by common social rules

One of the DH’s most common traits is the absolute refusal to follow common public rules. For example, the DH will often use racist and sexist terms (sometimes in the same sentence) and will also use inappropriate references to bodily functions, or show a complete lack of respect for the rules of society.

3) You never back down when caught in a lie

DHs lie about everything: where they are, what they are doing, who they are, and what they know. A good example of this: They may claim to be a doctor, even though there is not one directory (online or off) that can substantiate this lie. And if you have the proof and challenge the DH, they will usually just respond with a completely irrelevant (and somewhat incomprehensible) attack. This is the surest way to know that you are a DH.

4) You never change your ways

“You never learn, do you?” If you hear this a lot, then you definitely are a DH! This question is one of the most frequently asked of the DH personality. Is your answer to this usually, “No”? Then I don’t know if I can help you (the disease has probably spread too far). How can I tell, you ask? Well, the DH never learns — they just keep coming back, over and over again.

5) You change your beliefs to suit the situation

DH only have one cause: their selves! They only have one opinion: theirs! Everything else is secondary to the DH. The non-DH may change their opinions from time to time, or support or abandon causes, but these changes usually come about when something new is learned, or when circumstances are changed. The DH, on the other hand, only changes when they need something.

After taking this little test, be truthful: are you a DH? If people are telling you that you are, changing your perspectives might be the right thing to do. The first step to changing for the better is to become aware of your problem. Ask yourself what behavior is causing this problem and then work on replacing your mode of presentation. In particular, identify the harsh words in your communications and replace them with softer, nicer ones.

Go ahead: examine your motivations. Are you really trying to help? Or are you trying to find faults in others, get your views across, or be the only one in control? Perhaps secretly inside you even enjoy the thrill of confrontation. This may not make you a bad person, but to everyone who is busily trying to build something great, you are truly being a DH. People get frustrated, the atmosphere changes, and everybody suffers. I ask you now: are you here to give or take?

If appropriate, apologize to anyone to whom you may have been a DH. It’s okay; this won’t make you seem weak at all. In fact, people will probably take notice of your newfound willingness to cooperate and will giving you the respect you were trying to force on them when you were being a DH.

Final Note: Telling someone “Don’t be a DH” is a DH-move, so don’t just throw it out there lightly.