Crime Doesn’t Pay (Unless You’re a Criminal)!

Home prices are drastically falling everywhere!

Maybe you heard this one too many times (if you’re easily sucked into the TV news you’re probably crapping your pants as you Googled this topic) or maybe you’re experiencing it first-hand (with a bigger mortgage than your home is now worth) but one thing is certain: you have to make sure you are doing everything possible to stop this crisis from stripping away the remaining house value that no one can afford to lose. My suggestion: cut your area’s crime rate down as low as possible…

Crime seriously kills home values. Think about it: you can always find a nice-looking home in a bad neighborhood for peanuts, but why would you want to live there if it’s going to put your family’s life in danger? Now think about this: this fact alone is exactly what’s keeping people from purchasing your neighbor’s (if you live in a bad part of town) home, and further increasing the low-ball offers that you’ll likely get when it’s time to sell yours.

If you want to really reverse this landslide, and you are looking to keep up your home’s value until Congress can get their stuff together, at least make sure that potential buyers don’t have to worry about getting shot or robbed before they have a chance to sign any lending papers. Use the following information to do just that:

Report crime (while it’s happening). Worried that your local cops are too busy with real crimes? Don’t, because they’re not (actually, you could probably just make a direct call to the Dunkin Donuts. It’s much faster). Whether there’s some loud, obnoxious kids hanging on the corner, or you see something suspicious (ex. someone sneaking around in an all-black, cat-burglar costume), report it anonymously anyways. You might have just saved a future (and even bigger) crime from happening.

Prevent victim’s remorse. Always lock your car doors, and never leave valuables in plain sight for all thieves to see (even for a few minutes). Also, eliminate your lawn’s dark hiding places by taking a hedge trimmer to those overgrown bushes your “nice” neighbor keeps complaining about (who knows, the crook could be that guy. Reverse-psychology-warfare-style stuff). And for crying out loud, leave your front porch lights on (crooks will hate you for this. Note: this is a good thing).

Gather neighbor’s phone numbers. Not for dating purposes, sleazeball — this way you can directly warn someone when something’s happening out front of their place. If you don’t know your neighbors’ names and phone numbers, how are you going to warn them about that little jerk ripping up the McCain/Palin poster on their grass (Ok, so he’s not really a jerk, per se)?

Take your walks at night. This tip serves two purposes: 1) it will help you stay svelte (read: lean, mean, fighting machine) while avoiding the “too-hot” afternoon sun, and 2) neighborhoods greatly benefit when responsible citizens walk around (like clockwork) at night. This way, you’ll be able to quickly learn who should, and who shouldn’t, be there (note: shifty = shouldn’t). Better bring a flashlight along— it’ll give you better access to those dark spots that burglars love.

Get involved with your neighborhood. If you don’t have a neighborhood crime watch, gather up some tough guys (and smart gals) and start one. If your “hood” has one already, join it. You’ll suddenly learn all the community gossip, and learn how you can help keep everyone around you safe. You’ll also have a better opportunity to shape, guide and participate in the future of your stomping grounds.

It’s not solely Congress’s fault that your home is now worth less (or worthless, depending on where you live)! You should also blame the people who are letting your city fall into shambles, by not manning up and deciding that crime is not good for the home-buying business. Blame the cops that are turning a blind eye, the local politicians who only talk tough in an election year, or the witnesses who don’t talk out of fear! Many human factors are needed to keep your little slice of the American dream a place where you’ll want your great, great grandkids to live, and love, as well! So start today, by getting involved and rid yourself of the crime that has been going on for way too long!

Remember: once you clean up the scum in your neighborhood, you’ll see a return to ethical behaviors thrive once again!