Archive for September, 2008

You’ve seen this clown’s 30-minute ads if you ever spent a late night watching the boob tube! His tricky ads (Making Money Secrets and Greatest Vitamin in the World) promised you the world (and a new mansion, new car, thousands a week, and much more). “All you have to do,” he said, is buy “my low-priced” package (which he didn’t mention how much it really was). Well, it was later “discovered” that he was the only one making money (big shocker), not any of the knuckleheads who bought into his silly crap.

This type of “guru scam” has become very popular, and it is being used across the whole array of advertising mediums (in the paper, bookstores, TV, radio [especially radio] etc.) to steal money from people who are too freaking greedy to realize that they are being taking for a ride, right in front of their unsuspecting faces! So, how can you tell if these guys are trying steal from you? The answer: their lips are moving (yes, it’s that simple).

These self-professing “gurus” are sick predators who pull off these elaborate scams and frauds by selling unviable products, while knowing darn well that the large majority of people won’t even make their money back from purchasing their way into the “money-making” lifestyle. These con men take advantage of people’s vanity, and if you want to keep yourself from getting burnt you’d better look out for these following clues: Continued

Each year, thousands of knuckleheads are involved in auto accidents!

The cause: blabbing on their cell-phone, forgetting to use turn signals, or a total disregard for anything they were supposed to learn while taking their driver’s exam. The effect: You, paying for their mistakes. Would you know what to do in the aftermath of a collision? If “yes”, good for you; if “no”, read this article in its entirety — the advice it contains will not only prevent further injuries and accelerate the clean-up and repair process, but it will save you dearly.

So, if you are involved in a collision, try to remain calm, and refrain from hitting this dumb punk! Take a breather, count to 10, and then check to make sure you’re all right. No injuries? Cool. Now make sure no one else is injured. Continued

Chapter 13 Bankruptcy is a legal process that differs from traditional debt consolidation in many important ways. If you are trying to decide between these two processes, the following information will help you to make a better decision.

While Chapter 13 bankruptcy essentially is a type of debt consolidation, it differs from traditional debt consolidation in specific and important legal aspects. The most obvious and important difference is the power it wields. Backing up Chapter 13 bankruptcy is the Federal Bankruptcy Code, which can be a significant advantage when you need relief from debt. Continued

Thank you readers, for putting up with my weekend nonsense during the month of September!

As a token of my appreciation, I would like to now offer a free gift to all that participated: the words to the song the belligerent (in a good way) will be chanting during the last few seconds of this year’s Super Bowl. Enjoy!

Fly Eagles fly, on the road to victory.
Fight Eagles fight, score a touchdown 1-2-3.

Hit ‘em low,
Hit ‘em high,
And we’ll watch our Eagles fly.

Fly Eagles fly on the road to victory.

E-A-G-L-E-S. Iggles!

FYI to the people putting this thing together: I don’t suggest you give out anything resembling a weapon (they might, or might not, be used).

Note: I had no part in that “throwing snowballs at Santa” incident (I wasn’t a fan ‘till 1978, a whole ten years later)!

Unless you’re part of SAG, I know you’re not getting paid enough! So, why don’t you do us all a favor, and perform these following subconscious techniques in the new crappy movies and shows coming out this fall:

1) Wear an Obama Shirt in those new Red State flicks (old examples: National Treasure, Jarhead, and Saving Private Ryan).

2) Pull out your empty pockets to show us how much they truly pay the people that make these overpaid (and never satisfied) actors look good!

3) For those with cars: write, “January 20th, 2009” in your back window’s dust (don’t worry, you can wash it off when this 8-year accident comes to an end)!

4) Throw up a peace sign (because this country needs a little bit of it right now)!

If you get caught, tell those far-too-lefties (who are only doing it for their careers) that better days are coming (if you’re correct, then those lame reality shows will have the final nail hammered into their coffin)!

After you’re done there, you better get back to your dishwashing “gig” (even though you just played a big CEO) or 8” by 8” dilapidated apartment (and practice being famous with the rats and neighborhood elderly)!

Note: Movies are made to keep us in a constant state of greed and jealousy (their formulas will never benefit the viewer. Fact)!